Well, then she says, "I don't believe you. All guys measure. This guy I work with says that any guy who says he doesn't measure is lying!" Right. I've purposefully turned myself on, grabbed a ruler, and measured my penis so that I can tout around town basking in my penal glory. (Or mope around town ashamed of my itsy bitsy manhood, depending on the measurement.)
For some reason, this conversation really pissed me off. What the fuck does that mean, all guys measure? All guys should be concerned over their penis size and they need to display their concern by measuring their penis? Society says that size matters, so I should run out and measure myself so I know if I'm socially acceptable or not??
I try to not subscribe to the more ridiculous of standards that our lovely society has ... things like attractiveness, weight control, religion, etc. etc. etc. I mean, yeah, I could measure my penis ... and while I'm at it, I could start watching football, meet a diet-bitch bimbo, and start voting republican. While I'm at it, I'll start going to some christian church, I'll buy a Ford F-950 truck and eat red meat for every meal. And then I'll be just some stereotypical guy who says things like, "All guys measure their penises" ... and probably thinks the word "gay" can be used as an adjective to describe something undesirable. "That's so gay that guys don't measure their penises!"
Man, our cuntry (left the o out on purpose) is full of a bunch of fucking assholes. And people act all surprised when I tell them I want to move to the opposite side of the earth.
Well, anyway, I know Kim didn't mean any of the things that I'm ranting about - she was just poking fun at me, and I actually started the conversation by making jokes about penis inches anyway. I guess I was a) a little drunk still, b) playing counterstrike with Dan, and c) just a little pissed at mankind from being at Washington's Sports Bar & Grill.
I go for trivia night, they actually ask intelligent questions that I'm good at answering - and we can win free stuff! (Not useful stuff, but stuff nonetheless.) But sports bars really are the bane of male stereotypicality. *Grunt grunt* Turn on the game, toss me a beer, feed me a steak. Me tarzan, you jane style. Poor Kim just caught me in a "fuck male stereotypes, why should I try to fit them when I don't subscribe to the sexist female stereotypes in our society" attitude. (It's a bad place to catch me!)
And the next time somebody sees something bad and they say, "That's so gay," I'm going to smack them.
Obviously this is a topic that pisses me off, and I like to think it's because I don't approve of the stereotypical expectations - not that I don't meet them. I'm sure my penis is big enough for anybody who wants to get sexy with me, and I don't feel the need to measure and wear my size pinned to my chest to assure people that yes, I'm a manly man.
Ok, anyway, it's time to start working - I guess I'll owe Kim an apology tonight for getting nuts last night, and hopefully she'll understand that I was pissed off more at the content of our conversation than at her personally... even though I don't think she even realized about half of the stuff I was ranting on about.
OH man, in the middle of our argument, I was like, "It's not like we're bf/gf anyway." Man, that's a mean thing to say to someone who you're sleeping with but from whom you're trying to stay emotionally detached. I feel kind of bad - although it did lead to another conversation about "us." Ah yes, the "us" conversation - usually awkward anyway, but even more so when a) you're in the middle of fighting, b) you're moving to China, and c) you're afraid the other person has more feelings for you than you do for them.
I blame Simone for c) ... I always talk to her about people in my life, and so she was asking the other day, "So, Kim is ok with you just leaving the country?" So I say, "Yeah, I was very up-front about that, we're pretty clear..." so Simone tells me, "Well, just watch out - she might say that she's fine with it, but she might secretly be thinking that she can make you like her so much, you'll stay home from China." Well, then I started worrying that Kim wasn't really taking me serious when I talk about not getting too serious before moving ... and it led to me bringing it up all "suave" last night by just saying, "It's not like we're bf/gf anyway."
That's all some confusing stuff! Man ... I was pissed about men getting all obsessed with their penis size, and it led to me being (mad?) at Kim for not being all emotionally detached from me. She started off so well - like she didn't give a rat's ass about me like THAT ... which sounds weird, but it was nice. Now, though, she's getting me surprises for Valentines Day, we're sleeping by each other 3 times a week, ... aahhh well.
I guess this will all make more sense when we talk tonight. I'll probably have another 100 page entry for tomorrow. :)
Ok, but really, gotta get to work!